Please Hold For A Very Important...

Fuck you.

Ahh.... I love the smell of telemarketers at bedtime.

Dear Businesses of America (who rarely hire Americans in their call centers),

There's this little thing called the No Call List. I happen to be on it. My cell phone is registered. My house phone is registered. Yet, you still call me. It's not the Call Me Maybe Call List, or the Call Me When I'm Doing 163 Other Things All At The Same Time Call List, but the NO call list. I'm pretty certain that I looked a lot like this when you called earlier, Acme Asshole Business (Don't worry, Discover Card, I won't tell them it was you. Or that I don't have a Discover Card for you to be calling me about. Oh. Wait.):

Yep. That's exactly what I looked like.

And really, before anyone gets all Judgy McJudgerson up in mah face, I know that Acme Asshole Business(es) are helping the unemployment numbers by pissing me off on a regular basis. It's a job, I get it. However, you call me at a rather inappropriate time, I can't guarantee I'm going to be Sweetie McSchmoozie to you. Like when I just got Shortpants to shut the hell up and go to sleep (without Samuel L. Jackson's help thankyouverymuch). I might have sounded a little something like this minus the smile and perfectly coiffed hair:

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah. June Cleaver, I am not.

In closing, to all the Acme Asshole Businesses out there - stop calling me without a legitimate reason. And if you perchance do happen to have a legitimate reason, I dare you to call me when my kid is actually asleep. I can't be held responsible for my actions, should such shenanigans by your company occur. Again. Dicks.

Ya heard?